Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Do I Need To Start Wearing Garbage Bags, Or Will Someone Please Tell Me Where to Buy Normal Rise Jeans in 2013?

Catherine Sarah Young of The Perceptionalist Models Trash Bag Dress
No, this is not me wearing a plastic trash bag --yet.  I found that bit of fashion inspiration at The Perceptionalist, the science/design/art/environmentalism blog of Catherine Sarah Young, in a post entitled "Hacking a Garbage Bag as a Dress.  Because Apocalypse."  Aren't you just smitten already?   

Now, you may be wondering WHY I am scouring the Internet for fashionable ways to wear a Hefty bag.  Fine; fair question.  The answer is that I hate clothes and clothes shopping, yet I dislike being cold. 

Stupid Jeans In Stores Everywhere, Photo Courtesy The New York Times
Suddenly that trash bag dress is looking pretty chic, isn't it?  I desperately need to buy jeans, but the Fashion Fascists are still dictating the stupid low-rise pants mandate and I refuse to buy another pair of jeans that won't stay up without the help of a bulky, uncomfortable belt.  Hello, jeans designers!  My WAIST is actually SMALLER than my hips!  If the top of my jeans didn't end at the widest part of my butt, my pants would stay up all by themselves, even after stretching out a bit throughout the day!  Yes, I know what you're thinking -- the helpful sales twits have explained to me that, if I would just consent to buy my jeans in a smaller size, perhaps we could get them to fit tight enough around my hips to stay up sans belt -- kind of like how a tourniquet stays in place when it's so tight that it cuts off your circulation.  This, of course, leads to the unpleasant phenomenon of Upsqueeze, more commonly known as The Muffin Top:

Nakedness is not an option at this time of year due to the cold factor -- never mind the accompanying societal disapproval and laws against exhibitionism; my objections are all about comfort.  As unflattering as the trash bag dress may be, it does look more comfortable than sausage-casing jeans, and the plastic bag might actually make a good insulator and windbreaker.  Unless anyone has other options that I should consider???


imquilternity said...

I buy the Levi's® Womens 512™ Perfectly Slimming Boot Cut Jean. They don't sit at the waist but they are really low on the hips either. I love them and didn't think I would. You could always look at LLBean or Lands End... they have jeans that sit at the waistline.

colleen said...

Ah too funny too true
I have one pair of jeans that feel and look good when I put them on but by the end of the day just drop down around my ankles. The best suggestion I can give it go up in style and buy dress slacks because they look better than the denim with the elastic waist band
Also once you find a pair you like buy them in several colors
Good luck

Anonymous said...

Op shops? Thrift shops?

Anonymous said...

Rebecca Grace,

Try ordering a pair of Nor Your Daughter's Jeans. Good prices can be had if you keep your eyes on Sierra Trading Post and sign up for their Deal Flyer. I am fit and a member of the Over the Hill Gang. In other words, I will never wear another shirt tucked in - ever. I need a full rise on my jeans and NYDJ's do just that. Buy a size smaller than your usual size. They are excellent.

Jenny K. Lyon said...

I'm a pro at this: Levi's Curve ID fits me like a glove and I too am an "hourglass" shape. I think they call me "curvy fit", groan.

Also, believe it or not, Lucky Brand. Yes, they make loads of the low rise but they make lots of higher rise styles and I actually found "skinny jeans" that gasp, fit ME! And shockingly, if you go to a Lucky store, their wispy little 20 somethings actually know the product and can help an old hag like me.

Also, I won't leave the house without my "Invisibelt" on-does the trick without the bulk that makes you look like you've got a big belly. Love all of these. Hope this helps.

Unknown said...


Anonymous said...

Gloria Vanderbilt. I buy at Kohl's worn them for years for the "around the waist" fit.

Chris said...

They're not fancy, but I love Eddie Bauer jeans! The LLBean ones look good, too, although I've not ordered them. Jeans, the classic style, comfortable, and all the way to my waist!! (They come in different types, from slim to loose fit.)

Anonymous said...

Yes, LL Bean and Land's End make jeans that fit to the waist. Usually called Classic Fit or something like that. Not the most fashionable but they are comfortable. I find the tapered leg styles most flattering for my shorter height. Boot cuts just don't work at 5'4". Claudia W

Anonymous said...

...and the other thing that kills me about these low slung jean styles is that they don't even look good on teenage girls without an ounce of extra body fat! Since when has emphasizing the widest part of your hips worked for ANYBODY? and when they bend over, you can tell if they are wearing a thong! Claudia W

Barbara said...

I buy Diane Gilman jeans from Home Shopping Network - www.hsn.com. They are designed by a baby boomer for baby boomers. And, they don't cost an arm and a leg. The newest ones (and, unfortunately, you can't really tell from the website which they are) are a more stretchy fabric so you need to go down in size for those.

Barbara in MD

SewCalGal said...

You quack me up, but I agree with you 100%. I spent weeks shopping for jeans, even at favorite shops where I've purchased them in the past. The pair I had and loved was 5 years old and should have been retired years ago. Even DH said I needed to buy new jeans! Yet, the same brand/name had changed the material (to an almost stretch) and lightweight (cold for winter). I forced myself to buy them and within two wears there was a hole in the front (material was too thin). So, I'm still out searching for Normal Rise Jeans of a good material. ERR.


PS - It is so much easier to buy quilting fabric than a new pair of jeans.